The UK government has announced plans to retrofit the entire British tank fleet to comply with new EU road regulations, converting all tanks to left-hand drive at an estimated cost of £1.4 billion.
The controversial move comes after a European Commission directive stated that all tracked military vehicles operating on European roads must conform to standard right-hand drive orientation to improve road safety and traffic integration during multinational exercises.
Defence Secretary Sir Barnaby Haddock defended the decision, calling it a “necessary step to ensure interoperability with our European allies.” He added, “It is essential that British tanks follow the same road rules as European lorries. It would be embarrassing if a Challenger 2 held up a convoy because its commander had to lean out of the turret to see a roundabout properly.”
Under the plan, every UK tank and armoured vehicle will be refitted with a new driver’s compartment, complete with repositioned controls, mirrors, and an EU-compliant indicator system. This will also require an extensive retraining program for all British tank crews, including roundabout navigation drills and emergency braking procedures to meet EU safety standards.
Commodore Avril Fuller of the Royal Armoured Corps expressed skepticism over the initiative. “Tanks don’t tend to signal before making a turn, and I’m not sure left hand drive will change that. But rules are rules.”
Critics argue the cost is excessive, with some suggesting that simply putting “LEFT HAND DRIVE” stickers on the turrets could have achieved the same goal for a fraction of the price. However, a government spokesperson assured that this investment would “future-proof British armour for any potential European deployments.”
To ensure compliance, a new Ministry of Tank Transport Authority will be established to oversee the rollout, ensuring that every British tank operating abroad meets the new EU road standards. Failure to comply could see British armoured units subjected to road fines from European traffic enforcement agencies.
A Downing Street source suggested that if successful, this scheme could be expanded to include warships, submarines, and aircraft carriers to prevent any further alignment issues with European infrastructure.
Further details are expected later today.
Congratulations, and thank you for reading the whole article; this is just an April Fools Day joke. The article above is not true, and if anyone is sharing it after April 1st, please remind them of that fact.
The purpose of this article, aside from our usual April Fool’s Day joke, is to make the point that reading beyond the headline should be the norm every day, not just on the 1st of April. There’s a large volume of misinformation online. Make sure you don’t add to it by sharing articles without reading them. Finally, be careful of the person sharing this article after the 1st of April as they very clearly don’t read what they share.
Typical of the move by the armed forces to go woke and bow to European directives. It’s a disgrace I tells you, a disgrace!!!
Besides, what a day to make such an announcement!
They are also prohibiting the use of kilt for any scotisch tank drivers, as deemed unsuitable for service. Fines will be enforced. Though, I heard that bagpipe usage would be allowed in some circumstances, once a year, and saussage and gravy are still allowed at the very condition, that on french road, British tank commander wear a berret and carry an open bottle of wine. European regulation are stringent. It is important to comply. Also heard that in Germany, usage of a bottle of beer as an alternative could be deemed suitable. The reply of the home fleet was immédiate, demanding that any seamen operating next to HMS in operation will have to take a break at 5 PM with a cup of tea on display. The Royal Navy stands firm on principles, as a reciprocal measure. It seems tensions have reached a peak today.
I hear the French are going to enforce the usage of decent bread products as well…… it’s an affront.
April fool, driver is located in centre lol
Thank god for that the tea making facility is on the left hand side. Britain is saved.
Surely this is an April fools article…
Its April the 1st mate
I heard the MoD wants to copy North Korea & fit those wood burners to Army vehicles. The burning wood creates inflammable gas that is fed into the engine. That way we can run on logs. Lots of North Korean army trucks run on it. If we import the logs, we can all the CO2 is burned abroad. Its what Drax does.
OOpsie, we can say all the CO2 is burned abroad.
April fools
A dangerous spoof ! This will set them off well before they realise it’s a joke !
So dangerous absolutely no one has fallen for it. I think we are safe for now.
On the one hand, the British military is finally stepping up. On the other hand, it’s an April Fools joke and nothing is happening beyond political hand-wringing.
“The Labour Party is God’s greatest joke, except IT”S ON ALL OF US!”
Oh aye, after 14 years of the Tories doing no frittering at all, and never committing a single cock-up….
Don’t get me started on Reform either. Richard Tice, on camera at the RUSI, declaring that if we didn’t vote leave, our troops would be forced into an EU Army within a few short years.
Nine years on…… even after Russia kicking off…. still no EU Army… Two cheeks of the same bottom, and I stopped voting Labour in 2019.
All April 1st jokes aside, European roads are too smooth for our British tanks…..it may be necessary to reduce/remove the pothole protection.
Commodore Avril Fuller 😀
This is terrible news. We should be signing up to the EU Hover Tank programme instead. 70-odd tonnes of Challenger 3 gliding majestically across the field!
Nearly had me April Fooled there! 💥💥🤣🤣
I don’t think it is a good idea to spam people’s newsfeeds with such rubbish, April 1st or not.
Just for a second…a second I tells ya 🙂
So very, very nearly had me… Bravo.
What a load of tripe, typical of the approach of people today, on every conceivable aspect of life in the west today, no common sense, and no coherent comedy, this article is not in the least funny
One April Fool article shows poor judgment from a serious channel but 2 or 3 really undermines confidence in editorial maturity. Just stop it!
We’re well into April and my time line is still suggesting these joke posts. You should delete them.