It has emerged this morning that work promised to Scotland will instead go to Ruritania after Zenda Industries won a contract to build frigates.
The UK is currently building Type 26 Frigates on the Clyde, Type 31 Frigates in Rosyth as well as planning to build Type 32 Frigates and Type 83 Destroyers. All of these will now be built in Ruritania.
Anthony Hope, spokesman for Zenda, said:
“People will likely share this article and not read it, which is why we’re naming the ships we build the ‘Misinformation’ class.”
MoD Spokesman, Lee Iyar, said:
“This is a welcome development, it will reduce the carbon footprint of our defence procurement work in the UK and will help reduce emissions targets.”
Chinook helicopters will fly the currently in-build HMS Glasgow from the Clyde to the capital of Ruritania.
We spoke to an angry Twitter person who told us:
“Despite the fact ships are in fact being built in Scotland, this is proof that ships are not being built in Scotland. I’m very happy about this because it proves what I’ve been trying to tell people all along, there are zero ships in Scotland.”
Congratulations and thank you for reading the whole article, this is just an April Fools Day joke. The article above is not true and if anyone is sharing this after the 1st of April, please do remind them of that fact. The purpose of this article, aside from our usual April Fools’ day joke, is to make the point that reading beyond the headline should be the norm every day, not just on the 1st of April.
There’s a large volume of misinformation online, make sure you don’t add to it by sharing articles without reading them. Finally, be careful of the person sharing this article after the 1st of April as they very clearly don’t read what they share.
Are there going to be checks that there’s no DU munitions on board?
We wouldn’t want to violate the nuclear non proliferation treaties!
Poo tin says DU munitions are nuclear weapons so either we believe him or we get some education about science ..
Is this what we’re calling the English base in Glasgow?
Nice place to go on holiday is Ruritania..but a gentleman should always watch out for love interests and political intrigue.
I’ve had 3 ex wives from Ruritania, very attractive and lovely girls who I met on holiday there. All 3 had very strange endings to the weddings mind, in that once they had moved back to the UK with me they seemed to spontaneously combust. Least that’s what the police thought, being highly articulate and much cleverer then I. It was the only explanation for all 3 wives Helga, Janeinski (I think she might have been related to Johnski) and Lamuska just disappearing. Really oddly they had just moved to the UK with their entire extended families when they just… Read more »
You’re on form today to, Mr Bell. 👍 😆
Worse mate far worse…Bournemouth is well safe…check out what happened to Mr Bell… he went on holiday there and ended up with three wives.
And we what intrigue gets you, ahem, more intrigue. 🙃
Following the announcement of a further refuse collection strike as Scotland’s binmen demand more money, large numbers of Engish rats have been spotted crossing Hadrians Wall in search of Scottish lady rat entertainment and the anticipated free food. An advance posse of South London rats weighed down with bling have apparently siezed the Glasgow sewers, ousting the weaker Scottish rats who have retreated to the Edinburgh sewers where they have a stronghold. A party of paratrooper rats have seized the Forth Bridge, with elements of 2 Rat Para advancing rapidy north to Lossiemouth, where they have been spotted exploiting the… Read more »
One April fools article would have been enough
April Fool again!!
I don’t think Ruritanians would know a frigate from a rowing boat!
Oh no this shocking😎
Damn good idea! The fact that my company does P.R. for the Ruritanian government plays no part in my informed opinion.
The SNP will believe this..
Since Ruritania have secured the frigate contracts costs have reduced 50%.
HMG order 8 more type 26s immediately and another 5 type 31s with a plan for no less than 24 type 83 destroyers.
Admiralty spokesperson just announced they are satisfied with the new ship building contracts as it will ensure there is a warship for every admiral in the RN to command.
Mr Bell, me thinks you’re burning more than wood in them woodfires of yours!! Lol. 😆
April 1st. Ruritania doesn’t exist
Take more water in it George.
I’ll bet that there is at least one SNP activist/councillor/ politician who googled ‘Ruritania’ when they read this.
Nice try 😋, good laugh
You are claiming that Scotland is not Ruritania?
Pull the other one.
Could be worse, they could be building them in ENGLAND!
God I loathe April Fools Day.
Sad thing is, these stories will now circulate for months on conspiracy theory sites as being true. Their obtuse logic being that these were reported on 1st April so that people would think they were jokes.
You do realise that AF jokes only work if they are rare and half believable?
Five April Fool’s Day joke articles hut since November there has been a marked downturn in output. There have been a slew of new journalists but the quality and quantity of output has gone off a cliff edge.
Got to give it to Navy Lookout on Twitter for the “RN Nuclear Submarine display team” … that really made me laugh and the graphic too. Love the 🇬🇧 humour. Britain’s still Got Talent!! 😆
Lies all lies, everyone knows the new vessels will be built in the Grand Duchy of Fenwick.
Always happy to see UKDJ’s yearly public service of baiting SNP trolls