In a bid to modernise the Royal Navy while dramatically increasing fleet numbers, the UK government has announced the introduction of a new fleet of stealth inflatable warships, designed to be rapidly deployed and almost invisible to enemy radar.

Defence Secretary Sir Barnaby Haddock hailed the initiative as a β€œgame-changer in naval warfare,” stating that the new Inflatable Maritime Engagement Platform (IMEP) will allow the Royal Navy to quadruple its fleet size overnight while keeping operational costs at a minimum.

β€œThese ships are undetectable by radar, highly mobile, and, in the event of enemy attack, can be easily replaced with a foot pump and a bit of patience,” he said.

Each inflatable warship will be modelled after existing Royal Navy vessels, with the lead ship, HMS Bouncy Castle, already undergoing sea trials in the Serpentine. The Ministry of Defence has confirmed that the fleet will include both inflatable aircraft carriers and submarines, ensuring that Britain’s naval power is bolstered with over 300 additional vessels by the end of the year.

Commodore Avril Fuller of the Royal Navy praised the plan’s ingenuity: β€œThis fleet allows for extreme flexibility. In peacetime, they can be stored in a single shipping container. In wartime, they can be deployed anywhere in minutes. And if an enemy missile does hit, worst-case scenario, the ship just slowly deflates.”

However, defence analysts have raised concerns about durability, particularly after a prototype frigate-class inflatable was accidentally sunk by a seagull landing on its deck. To mitigate this, engineers have suggested adding reinforced plastic paddling pools around the ships to improve buoyancy.

Critics argue that the new fleet’s reliance on manual inflation technology could prove problematic, particularly in high-stress combat situations. However, a government spokesperson reassured that each vessel would come with a β€œstrategic air pump operator” to ensure rapid deployment.

To further reduce costs, the government is reportedly in discussions with major retailers to sponsor the fleet, with early proposals including HMS Lilo, HMS Rubber Duck, and HMS Poundland Patriot.

A Downing Street source suggested that if successful, this scheme could be expanded to include inflatable army tanks and fighter jets, allowing for a fully air-powered military by 2035.

Further details are expected later today.

Congratulations, and thank you for reading the whole article; this is just an April Fools Day joke. The article above is not true, and if anyone is sharing it after April 1st, please remind them of that fact.

The purpose of this article, aside from our usual April Fool’s Day joke, is to make the point that reading beyond the headline should be the norm every day, not just on the 1st of April. There’s a large volume of misinformation online. Make sure you don’t add to it by sharing articles without reading them. Finally, be careful of the person sharing this article after the 1st of April as they very clearly don’t read what they share.

George Allison
George Allison
George has a degree in Cyber Security from Glasgow Caledonian University and has a keen interest in naval and cyber security matters and has appeared on national radio and television to discuss current events. George is on Twitter at @geoallison
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105 COMMENTS

    • Ramming speed Mr Afor, eh, what? Again Mr Afor, ramming speed! What, don’t be an idiot. Aforfecksake. πŸ˜πŸ™ƒπŸ•³οΈBtth.

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    • Probably more chance of getting those than the real thing..order 18 then cut to 13 then 8 ..but the inflation time is 10 years behind schedule….April fool if you think that the Government is serious about Defence

    • Giant blow up dolls – in his royal majesty’s fleet? That would be advantageous- with all them ass-hole you’d have to deal with LOL what’s next? Giant butt plugs at sea?

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    • What an obsession with Russia! They should be more concerned about the Islamic fifth column they have in the UK. With Islamic mayors in London, Luton, Oldham, Rochdale, etc., hundreds of invaders enter every day by sea and through the airports, and they’re not exactly Russians.

      • What’s your obsession with Muslims?

        You don’t know what an invasion is.

        Russia is invading Ukraine with hundreds of thousands of troops, tanks, armoured vehicles, artillery, aircraft and helicopters. That’s an invasion.

        What’s going on in the Channel is a bunch of peasants in dinghies.

        There’s a clear difference!

        • In 20 years you or your sons will see if it,s a bunch of peasants in dinghies , you,ll enjoy it praying looking to Mecca.

          • Complete and utter tosh.

            Anyone with a brain is far more worried about what Russia is doing (you know – actually invading and trying to annex another country!) than a bunch of peasants in dinghies.

          • Your the type of rasist prat I despise. The more cultures the better as far as I’m concerned. The sooner numbers for different ethnic groups begin to equalise, the sooner insecure hate filled tits like you will be a thing of the past. Good riddance.

        • Whilst I don’t agree with the sentiment, he does raise valid concerns regarding demographics. British people, or the indigenous British, could potentially become a minority in their own country by around 2066 – or perhaps even earlier if current migration trends persist. For the most part, we are a secular society, or at least that’s what the UK was for me growing up. It’s quite probable that this will change in the not-so-distant future.

          • Well said.
            There are degrees of racism.

            It’s very problematic to discuss the death of British culture and to explain low paid work and the continuing exploitation of housing needs without crossing the lines of “racism”

            Shuting down discussions that are necessary to the health of a society and it’s indigenous people’s by shouting RACIST is a cheap ride to ignorance and ultimately cultural oblivion.

            Bummer

          • This always changes, though.

            1,000 years ago we were very much a Catholic, religious culture. 500 years ago we were Protestant, and now we’re secular.

            If anything we’ll become more secular. Young people born to Muslim immigrants are just as likely to be more secular than their parents, even if they share their parents’ religion. The grandchildren and great-grandchildren of Muslim immigrants are likely to be even more secular.

            What exactly do you mean by “indigenous British?” For the first Britons you’re basically talking Cheddar Man.

            Our entire history has been that of immigration and invasion:

            – Romans
            – Anglo-Saxons
            – Normans
            – Countries we’ve invaded or colonised, whose residents and descendants have come to live in Britain

            In each case the culture has changed. Even the English language is an amalgamation of Olde English, Celtic languages, Latin, and French.

        • Steve you clearly need to wake up I’d sooner have Russians than back stabbing muslims remember London bombings and 9/11 go get a proper cup of black joe and not a latte to help open your eyes

      • It may have escaped your notice but a sizable number of your so called problems are consultants ,GP’s , nurses and auxiliaries ALL are high contribution people unlike you !!!

        • You think all our qualified medical staff are illegals. You’re thicker then your simple name implies.

          • Thicker THAN your simple name implies.

            If you’re going to insult people, at least get the spelling right.

    • You wouldn’t need any close in defence at all, any missiles would simply bounce off and instantly return to sender. Take that Houthies.

    • The way things are going, this could actually be in Labours long awaited defence review. Along with inflatable F35″s that are able to get airborne by using the hot air produced by government ministers.

  8. Reminds me of my Art College days when for a Branding project I invented Bendy Girders to promote Health and Safety concerns. Didn’t catch on for some reason but would be fabulous for construction in Earthquake zones surely.

  10. HMG is insisting that a significant proportion of the budget will be spent on novel technologies. It’s amazing how quickly MoD have managed to respond.

  12. If we want a larger fleet, we just pump harder.
    No problem in manning them; we have plenty of sailors arriving every day with experience of handling inflatables.

  16. Global warming has punctured the iceberg aircraft carrier so why not a inflatable fleet. Position trampolines around as an anti missile defence to send them back from whence the came?

  19. Any suggestions as to where the source of so much hot air will come from? Lack of investment in hot air in recent decades?

  20. Not true? April fool’s? Damn, that means a trip to the lPost Office to retrieve my strongly worded letter I sent to my MP! The man will think I’m an idiot!
    Mr Angry.

  21. They might be delivered in a shipping container but I refuse to believe they will be stored in one. Nothing inflatable EVER goes back in the box. I got into a whole mess of trouble and divorce after my wife found my inflatable.

  24. Each vessel would come with a β€œstrategic air pump operator”. i hope i’m correct in the assumption that these will taken from the rapidly deployable surplus of hot air generators stored at great expensive in the Palace of Westminster and it’s BCP sites in Holyrood/The Senedd & Stormont Castle.

  25. To be fair, a April fools joke or not, we do know that fighting age men in inflatable boats have been invading the south coast of the UK with ease for several years now.
    So any adversaries looking to invade the UK could well be looking at these inflatable war ships pictured here as the future to an easy invasion of the UK πŸ˜‰

  26. If dad jokes was a person I’m pretty sure they would be written under the disguise of George. Some of these jokes are so bad there hilarious πŸ˜‚

  28. This is obviously an April fools joke but to be fair in the past inflatable tanks and such have been used to imitate a bigger army, they showed this in dad’s army but yeh inflatable warships could be placed among actual ones just to make the fleet seem bigger and more threatening from a distance

  29. The main problem with the construction of any naval vessel is the rampant inflation of the estimate.
    With just a little extra pressure the aircraft carrier HMS inflexible could achieve 50 knots and an altitude of 200 feet

    Joking aside 20 astute class submarines spread around the country would upset the American and Russian spy satellites.

  30. HMS Bouncy Castle, HMS Lilo, HMS Rubber Duck and HMS Poundland Patriot?
    Love it, another great April 1st article, just wondering how you get an inflatable sub to dive though?

  31. I picked up the April Fools nature and sent it to my German buddy with a Ph. D. From Oxford. I’m sure he will enjoy it. However, with the current folks in charge, you must be careful. They might only read half the article and rush to implement this money saving policy, and freak our Mr. Putin.

  34. For goodness sake don’t give the ejits who ruin this country any ideas. Someone in government is bound to think this is a good idea

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  38. It will be a complete disaster. It shows Royal Navy is not run by Admirals rather run by Accountants

  42. It’s a joke like the rest of our country inflatable war ships only the government we have can think of something as stupid as that

  43. It’s classic pre war preparations. It shows just how close going to war with Russia is coming now. In the past when the government started doing things like they are doing now and not just the inflatables but getting us investing ect it’s coz they already have made the choice about going to war. We all know it’s happening don’t we!!

  48. They are doing the same with tanks and every now and then they make a noise like rumble rumble or bang bang,they thing Putin will die of laughing

  50. They are going to have tanks like that too and every so often they make a noise like rumble rumble or bang bank

  58. If they used helium to fill them with they could also be used by the RAF as long distance bombers….if all of the sailors ate baked beans in the morning and Brussel Sprouts inbthe evening they could even be self propelled

  59. They do know this sort of thing only worked for Churchill because he didn’t announce it, I know it was meant to be a joke but I can see these idiots trying it for real

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