The Royal Air Force has been placed on high alert for the next week in order to track a special cargo flight from the Arctic region.

The aircraft is also said to be capable of intelligence gathering, with the ability to determine the behavioural status of British citizens, classifying them as ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

The annual decision to place the Royal Air Force on high alert was prompted by an incident many year agos in which British fighter aircraft escorted an unregistered aircraft (flying from the Arctic region) over the UK’s major cities, the pilot of the craft was said to be under the influence of alcohol and very “festive”, this is especially dangerous due to the sheer volume of cargo the aircraft was carrying. This is expected to happen again in the coming weeks.

Other commentators have noted that these flights are unusual, questioning where the cargo comes from as the Arctic region is reported to be elf sufficient.

An MoD spokesman had this to say:

“Interception is part of what the QRA force do. We have to identify and confirm who or what is flying through our airspace or approaching our airspace and since the craft appears at the same time each year, we have a fairly good idea who will be flying but we don’t take any chances.”

The Ministry of Defence have previously used satellites with infra-red sensors to track the aircraft, it is understood that the heat from an animals red nose was clearly visible and it was at this point RAF aircraft began escorting the bright red aircraft over every British city, town and village.

The owner of the aircraft described the incident as “a sleigh’t misunderstanding”. More on this as it develops.

32 COMMENTS

  1. I needed a few seconds as amongst the Black Sea and Baltic activity it was a plausible headline….just for a few seconds….honest gov

  2. Even the best jokes get boring when repeat them all the time, how about a report of the chemical/gas attack that was carried out by anti-Assad terrorists in Syria that resulted in a large number of casualties ?

  3. I still believe that if a person even talks about Christmas before the 1st December then they should be receiving a Paveway bomb through the front window asap.

  4. I hope they got enough missiles to take the big fat intruder out! And those viscous self centred shit on the roof animals he employs!!!

    • Second that.
      I had some in Finland a while ago. Very yummy, meaty and succulent. If you get a chance to eat reindeer do not turn your nose up at it.

  5. Will the RAF shoot it down if it attempts to land on a Royal Navy aircraft carrier or will the want to purchase the A version to prevent that event ever occurring !!!!!

    • The aircraft seems to have an unusual non-aerodynamic design, leading experts to conclude it must have an advanced computer to maintain stability or perhaps an unusual propulsion system.

  6. Late April Fools are About, So Watch Out!! Ha, Ha, Ha Ha!!
    Seems too Much brandy to drink!!
    So Please don’t drink And Drive!!

  7. All I want for Xmas is spear 3, NSM, Type 31, ashm next gen on type 45, wildcat with dara link and dipping sonar and 2 more astute.

    Have been nice

  8. Pete I would add that I have asked Santa for mk41 vls on type 45s, 6 more Poseidon MPAs and at least another 64 F35Bs. Otherwise your chrimbo list is just peachy mate
    Ho ho ho happy Christmas.
    I bet scrouges May and Spreadsheet Phill will bah humbug my wishes.
    This is all too easy

  9. Keep your Mince Pies pealed, Snowbody needs to be made a Turkey over defence of our country esp if it means we get Sleighed in a war where Brussels are Cooking, the east is turning to Custard and the US put the Gas on the EU Fairies and all the while the UK is leaving the Cooked Goose of the EU.
    I just hope the Snow doesnt hinder Flt Cmdr Elv as he escorts the Red bogey, the way these things happen he’ll be flying through Chimneys next just to keep up.
    Nobody likes Eggnogg on their faces….but the RAF are the Cream of the crop…hopefully they will get home safe, that would be a Present for us all.
    Anything else interesting happening this week?

    Well, if theres not a lot else to report, happy xmas everyone.
    👍🇬🇧

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