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***April Fools’ Day is celebrated every year on the 1st of April by playing practical jokes and spreading hoaxes. The jokes and their victims are called April fools. People playing April Fool jokes expose their prank by shouting April Fool.

Some newspapers, magazines, and other published media report fake stories, this is one such story.***

It has been revealed this morning that UK will now no longer be purchasing F-35B aircraft.

It is understood that the aircraft already purchased will be returned to Lockheed Martin. In November 2015, Chancellor George Osborne announced that the UK will order the full original total of 138 F-35 aircraft to equip the Royal Navy’s two new Queen Elizabeth-class aircraft carriers, this however has been reversed.

It has been confirmed that the carriers that would have hosted the F-35B will now feature catapults and deploy “modern Harriers, naval Typhoon or something”.

The Lockheed Martin F-35 is a family of stealth multirole fighters undergoing final development and testing by the United States and formerly the United Kingdom. The fifth generation combat aircraft is designed to perform ground attack and air defence missions.

The F-35 has three main models: the F-35A conventional takeoff and landing variant, the F-35B short take-off and vertical-landing variant and the F-35C carrier-based variant.

In light of this development we’ve spoken to experts. Bryan Robertson, defence analyst in Asda aisle 4, had this to say:

“Waste of funds & Human Life! One correctly placed Smart-Bomb will see Today’s heap of steel turn into Tomorrows heap of Scrap! H.M.S. Hood took the Ultimate Killing Shell way back in WW2 DESPITE AIRCRAFT; No Smart-Bombs then, and the Germans sent the Flagship of the Royal Navy to the bottom, no problem! What Government ‘FOOL’ proposed this latest Folly?

Who is paying him? WE ARE.

Such vast vessels have no place in modern times. Time for the OLD Timers to Grow UP!! Have they not heard of the Internet?”

Excerpts from a leaked consultation document are extremely detailed in just what needs to be changed now that the F-35 has been canned.

In response to this, the Ministry of Defence are now considering purchasing a fleet F-4 Phantoms and painting go faster stripes on the carrier hulls.

 

28 COMMENTS

    • i wish this story were true, the u.k was seduced’ by the unfounded claims of the u.s as to what it can do and how its time to take the paper bag off from over the eyes, seethe real picture and do whats right for the nation,not the generals ‘we want thi, we want that.

    • Why? Harrier is completely obsolete. It wouldn’t last 30 seconds in a modern AD environment, it’s slow, has a minuscule payload capacity, and, EXTREMELY short range.

    • They could at least have given a slightly new twist to the big-project-cancelled theme – UK cancels P-8A orders after discovering some old Nimrod airframes that were previously thought to have been destroyed and deciding to revive that project again!

  1. ” In light of this development we’ve spoken to experts. Bryan Robertson, defence analyst in Asda aisle 4, had this to say: ”

    Are the defence purchases now made through Asda (Walmart).

  2. […] De acordo com um porta-voz, o valor total da aquisição seria de US$ 5,2 bilhões. Incluso no valor, estaria incluso no valor a produção local das 24 unidades bem como um pacote de armamento para acompanhar a nova geração de caças e possivelmente transferência de tecnologia. A compra foi influenciada pelo cancelamento por parte do Reino Unido da compra dos caças F-35, pois pretende adquirir Harrier…. […]

  3. This was hardly funny when it was posted n April 1. It is now April 9, and this is still on the home page. What are you thinking leaving it up here? This is an embarrassment to your website. remove it now.

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