The Scottish Government has officially designated the Remontowa Shipyard in Gdańsk, Poland, as part of Scottish territory, to ensure new ferries are built in Scotland.
The move, announced early this morning, is said to be part of a “geographic realignment initiative” to ensure ministers can build new CalMac ferries in Scotland.
“This is a historic moment,” said a spokesperson for Transport Scotland. “Thanks to this administrative reclassification, we can now confidently say that all ferry construction is happening firmly within the Scottish nation—regardless of minor things like, say, continental drift or EU law.”
Under the plan, a ceremonial saltire has been hoisted over Dock 7 of the Polish shipyard, and an Edinburgh postcode has been allocated to the dry dock. Staff will reportedly receive honorary Glaswegian residency and be taught key phrases like “It’ll be ready when it’s ready”.
Critics, however, have questioned the practicality of the move.
“You can’t just annex parts of Poland because it’s politically convenient,” said one EU official, laughing nervously. Nonetheless, the Scottish Government remains confident. A government insider said that if successful, the model could be expanded.
“We’re already eyeing a few factories in South Korea. With a bit of Gaelic signage and a new plaque, who’s to say they’re not basically Paisley?”
The First Minister was unavailable for comment, reportedly busy commissioning a commemorative mural of the Polish coast titled “Clyde East.”
Congratulations, and thank you for reading the whole article; this is just an April Fools Day joke. The article above is not true, and if anyone is sharing it after April 1st, please remind them of that fact.
The purpose of this article, aside from our usual April Fool’s Day joke, is to make the point that reading beyond the headline should be the norm every day, not just on the 1st of April. There’s a large volume of misinformation online. Make sure you don’t add to it by sharing articles without reading them. Finally, be careful of the person sharing this article after the 1st of April as they very clearly don’t read what they share.
Lol the staff having a lot of fun with these !
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Another excellent April Fool story I only wish it were true then perhaps we could get the Ferries required on time and ‘for for purpose i.e not having to do retro welding work!!! (Not helped by the incompetence of in-house so called experts)
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The Poles did draw the line at bagpipes, which they consider “cruel & unusual punishment”.
I wouldn’t put it past Holyrood to do this to stave off the political embarrassment. If Russia can have the Kaliningrad enclave why can’t the Polish shipyard be a tiny part of Scotland?
Not really an April Fool. There are actually parts of Gdansk already called old and new Scotland, from when many Scottish immigrants lived there centuries ago, as Nowe Szkoty and Stary Szkoty attest to.
If they have there own highland games will there be pole dancing
On the related note, there was a large community of Scots in Northern Poland in 16-17th centuries. There are parts of Gdansk officially called “Old Scotland” and “New Scotland”.
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April fool