It has emerged this morning that work promised to Scotland will instead go to Ruritania after Zenda Industries won a contract to build frigates.
The UK is currently building Type 26 Frigates on the Clyde, Type 31 Frigates in Rosyth as well as planning to build Type 32 Frigates and Type 83 Destroyers. All of these will now be built in Ruritania.
Anthony Hope, spokesman for Zenda, said:
“People will likely share this article and not read it, which is why we’re naming the ships we build the ‘Misinformation’ class.”
MoD Spokesman, Lee Iyar, said:
“This is a welcome development, it will reduce the carbon footprint of our defence procurement work in the UK and will help reduce emissions targets.”
Chinook helicopters will fly the currently in-build HMS Glasgow from the Clyde to the capital of Ruritania.
We spoke to an angry Twitter person who told us:
“Despite the fact ships are in fact being built in Scotland, this is proof that ships are not being built in Scotland. I’m very happy about this because it proves what I’ve been trying to tell people all along, there are zero ships in Scotland.”
Congratulations and thank you for reading the whole article, this is just an April Fools Day joke. The article above is not true and if anyone is sharing this after the 1st of April, please do remind them of that fact. The purpose of this article, aside from our usual April Fools’ day joke, is to make the point that reading beyond the headline should be the norm every day, not just on the 1st of April.
There’s a large volume of misinformation online, make sure you don’t add to it by sharing articles without reading them. Finally, be careful of the person sharing this article after the 1st of April as they very clearly don’t read what they share.
This is a disgrace, we need to stop work going to Ruritania. Not that it really matters as these ships are going to be under armed anyway. Each vessel needs four triple 18inch turrets and at least 256 launchers for anti air missiles, and a flight frack for a minimum of forty aircraft. Anything else is a disgrace!
It is a disgrace, they should be armed with the latest biplanes and have to have the dazzle paint! All of our adversaries have them, especially the mach 0.1 red baron type. We are falling behind in the sea bi-plane race, the fleet air arm should hold its head in shame.
Have you any idea how expensive dazzle paint is? That’s before you factor in all the string for the biplanes. Are you going to cough up the money yourself? Well, are you? Forget it!
Nicola Sturgeon’s response has been to annex Ruritania, declaring it part of Scotland.
According the Mrs Sturgeon, henges in Ruritania bear a striking resemblance to the one at Cairnpapple Hill near Linlithgow, proving that Ruritania was settled by Scottish explorers nearly 5,000 years ago. She went on to point out that the only two places in the world having a high density of red-headed people were the Celtic areas of Britain, and Ruritania.
Rumours persist that Ferguson Marine, the nationalised Clydeside shipbuilders, have been ordered to build ships to ferry a Scottish invasion force to Strelsau Castle, in case the new province won’t vote SNP in next month’s Ruritanian elections.
“We don’t know how the ferries will get to the landlocked country”, a spokesperson admitted, “but they have to be getting the frigates out somehow, right?”
You’re a little behind the times my friend, the newest thing naval is the towed VLS barge. Each warship can tow a barge of roughly its own length that is pack with nothing but VLS cells. The beauty of this system is that the barge can be used by any ship depending on operation need.
Finally, someone capable of properly designing a submarine that meets the demands of 21st century conflict.
Like it. Nice send up of some past statements by various people/political parties I’ve seen in the past.
““This is a welcome development, it will reduce the carbon footprint of our defence procurement work in the UK and will help reduce emissions targets.”
I know this is an Aprils fools, but for the love of god don’t give the green lunatics in government any ideas.
Thanks, George I’m now going too invest my meager war dis pension in shares for Ruritanian ship building and the other 50% on the Nigerian lottery
Disgrace!!!! Where are my BP tablets!?
😂
Typical
Nicola and her crony snp followers are now in negotiations with John dear to build a tractor factory in the Orkney Isles so that they can arm the scotish defence forces with everything they need to equip the forces
In other news the SNP are searching for a future leader. Only requirement: must have a type of fish in their name somewhere.
Current front runner Simon pufferfish has sought to discredit Craig snapper over his stance on nuclear weapons. Meanwhile George bottlenose-dolphin has been taken out of the running over allegations he’s really a mammal.
FFS this could be a great thread 😂😂😂
The ironic situation is that it’s all too believable and is definitely NOT a joke. Bad enough we’re told our Forces will be getting this or that wonderful piece of armament – to have it all watered down to pea shooter level owing to so-called budgetary cuts. Sorry, I lost my acceptance of this kind of humour, when under fire many years ago. It’s simply no joke.
I’m reliably informed that the bid submitted by the Lego Yard was rejected due to crew comfort concerns.
Cutting very cutting…..April sarcastic irony….I like it.
On a serious note, lots on Twitter regards Ukrainian gains between Kyiv and Chernihiv. Lots of villages liberated as the Russians retreat. And at the siege of Sumy a corridor has been opened to the city after counter attacks.
And a fuel depot has been blasted in Belgorod. Hope it was not a false flag but the 2 Ukrainian Hinds as reported.
Still concerns me what the hardening of ground will do come early summer for a bigger Russian offensive into the Donbass, but for now this is fantastic news.
Glory to Ukraine.
Totally with you Daniele. I wear my UK/Ukraine friendship pin with pride.
Yep, we have the flag flying outside the house. ✌
Hopefully Putin has wasted all his strategic reserves trying to push the offensive in mud season. Ukraine must be getting some local superiority in a fair number of places to launch the offensives they have.
The west now just needs to figure out how to get some heavier weaponry to Ukraine for a more mobile Summer campaign.
If Ukraine can keep russia contained until September there is a second but less profound mud season, then it’s the Eastern European mid winter and then the spring mud season. Any campaign in Eastern Europe has always had a very short season, Putins just another dictator in a long line that have proved the Theory stands be you a horse and foot army or a mechanised army.
Hopefully Putin has wasted all his strategic reserves trying to push the offensive in mud season. Ukraine must be getting some local superiority a a fair number of places to launch the offensives they have.
The west now just needs to figure out how to get some heavier weaponry to Ukraine for a more mobile Sumer campaign.
If Ukraine can keep russia contained until September there is a second but less profound mud season, then it’s the Eastern European mid winter and then the spring mud season. Any campaign in Eastern Europe has always had a very short season, Putins just another dictator in a long line that have proved the Theory stands be you a horse and foot army or a mechanised army.
My thinking was that Russia already had the donbass and it declared its self independent. I’m concerned that the withdrawal is to suit Russian objectives.
If the Russian casualties are at the top end of estimates they may not have the manpower to fight on just now.
That worries me that it leaves them embarrassed and with fewer options left. Tactical nukes being one of them.
I pray it does not happen, but you would try to withdraw your services from the area before launching.
My concern too is they may be withdrawing their troops before using a WMD. Though they might be stupid enough to sacrifice their own guys, then claim it was Ukraine.
Today it may be Ukraine, but tomorrow it could be Ruretania. Pity they gave up there intercontinetal ballistic garden gnomes.
Those pesky Ruritanians undercutting us with their (literal) slave labour… still if its going to save the planet…. 🙄
April fools
I knew this was coming. When the Grand Duchy of Fenwick signed a Non-Aggression Treaty with Scotland on February the 30th in the capital Burberry, I thought, bang go our carriers. Can they be converted to ferries?
Ah – I thought that particular mouse might roar 🙂
Ok I admit it you had me for about 30 seconds then I saw the other headlines. Well done and thanks for the smile
There is a good one on Naval News about Oz nuclear subs to be based on the present Collins Class – which had me fooled until one of the subs were to be christened HMAS Vegemite – doh!
How about we scrap all the ships we have now and just spend everything on one giant super ship.
Nobody would mess with that bad boy.
Project Habakkuk, just the job.
Lies, all lies we know that Nicola sturgeon has arranged for the ships to be built in modules in the Duchy of Grand Fenwick
40 yrs today my god time has slipped through my fingers like Sand and we thought it was an April fools joke, although Whitehall had a Heads up that’s how we got off on the 4th
Yes I’m all for a bit of April fools, but George it’s now the 2nd of April so can we have some real news now that playtime is over.
There are many I am sure would like to see an article reference 40 years ago, as well as the latest from Ukraine.
Tarnish I’ve put a post on each UKDJ forces threads saying that it’s 40yrs and how time has slipped through my fingers like Sand it was my year without a summer
I think it’s been overshadowed by Ukraine sadly but all of us who were around remember. I was a schoolboy at the time and for myself and my peers it was and still is a big deal. In a economically dark time it was something to be proud of. Something that showed we as a country were not finished. For me anyway that was the proudest moment i’ve ever experienced. Thanks Tommo to you and all those who made it back and those who didn’t. You and them are not forgotten.
Thanks David, it’s one of those things that ,was a curve ball , it was a scramble but we pulled it off ,Shame it could not have been sorted out by diplomacy , But it showed the world that we were not a spent force The Empire Strikes Back as was said by the Lads
People are going to be talking, writing books and making films about what you and the others did centuries from now.
David,Just hope they ,put a human side too them if they do .It was nothing like Hollywood but 90% humdrum then 10% Fxxk this for a game of Sailors it was buttocks clenching time But we did get too” Splice the Mainbrace “after the Argentines surrendered though we didn’t let our guard down even after having our Tot of Grog and slightly lightheaded
It’s incredible to think it was 40 years ago. So much has changed in not just the Navy but in daily lives and yet so much is and will always be the same. Technology changes all the time but people and their experiences will always be the same.
We had SCOT sat communications worked brill if the Sea state was mirror smooth like the Duldrums But around the Isles it was losing battle trying too keep locked on to the signal lost so many 40 block signals that the back up in the main comms office meant signals couldn’t took a lot longer too decrypt David
Ah I wonder how upset Commanders back then were about that. Back seat driving from Northwood was a huge problem back then. Of course i’m sure not anymore !
David The Radio operators ROs were pulling their hair out as Northwood were dead set on Sat comms and at the time ,these Comms weren’t like today’s set up if the ship rolled or we or we did a Zig Zag we’d lose link up to the Sat you could hear them shouting their heads off “stay with it” “Stay with it ” Fxxk link lost 3/4 of the way through a 40 block signal Start again
Oh god and sat comms are better today ! Bet your glad you never made skipper !!
If I had climbed that pole I’d have looked for a command that sailed on a boating lake and you could just shout any message’s David
😂😂
🚢👍👍
I can rememebr being in the sixth form and going home for lunch & seeing it announced on the news that Argentina had invaded. Of course no one believed me when I told them upon my return- quote my mate “you are fkin joking aren’t you ?”
Caught some of the 40 years Falklands program t’other night -Laid bare some info. around how close we came to defeat, and why…v. interesting!
All I can say is Thank God the guys on the ground had the ability to do the job!
Cheers Grizzler ,but when it was over ,we had some lads from the Scots guard come on board for their first shower in nearly a month Bless em the Heads and Showers had too be Disenfected and hosed down when they finished but boy were the grateful
Imagine the furore from the SNP if the work was going to England, I’m sure Ruritania is a far more palatable option for them.
Sometimes the April 1st fool persistence ceases to be amusing and this particular attempt was formuleic and totally unfunny.
Well beyond its sell by date.